Here is my opinion how what the appeal is of the artistic quasi-sports they have in the Olympics, and what the relative proportions are of the various reasons for watching it. I've decided that for each of the quasi-sports, 5% of your reason for watching it is to find out who won, or to root for your favorite like a real sport.
| Event | Who won? (5) | Beauty (4) | Impressed (7) |
| artistic gymnastics | 5% | 15% | 80% |
| women's floor exercise | 5% | 25% | 70% |
| trampoline | 5% | 25% | 70% |
| diving | 5% | 25% | 70% |
| figure skating | 5% | 70% | 25% |
| ariels | 5% | 60% | 35% |
| rhythmic gymnastics | 5% | 60% | 35% |
| synchronized swimming | 5% | 70% | 25% |
| synchronized diving | 5% | 40% | 55% |
| dressage | 5% | 45% | 50% |
| any real sport | 99% | 0% | 1% |
I want to point out that virtually all forms of entertainment fall into one or more of these ten categories. However, not literally all. For instance, here is an exception. There is a man named Gallagher who smashes watermelons and other things with a sledgehammer. I have no idea why people pay money to watch this. It's not educational. It's not a work of fiction. It's not funny. It's not beautiful. It's not a contest. You're not impressed by his ability to do it. You don't wonder how he did it. He's in no danger. It's not gross. I hope it's not intended to be sexually arousing. Why on Earth people pay money to watch a man smash watermelons with a sledgehammer is utterly beyond my comprehension.
Often people who do these activities that most people would say are not sports, but are sometimes listed as sports, such as gymnastics or competitive cheerleading, become deeply offended if you say that what they do is not a sport. They act like saying it's not a real sport is an insult to what they do. Even though I love the Olympics, I never watch any other sports since I have such a low opinion of professional sports and athletes, so I certainly don't consider it an insult to say that something is not a sport. Whether something is a sport is not a measure of its value or quality, or how difficult it is. There are lots of extremely difficult dangerous grueling physical activities that are not sports. If an artist makes an oil painting or abstract sculpture, that is not a sport. If someone can dance the Charleston, they are not therefore an athlete. The world's chess champion is not an athlete. This is in no way intended as disparaging. It's just that not everything is a sport.
It's interesting to do comparative analysis of different sports. There are many different aspects of sports you can compare. I'll illustrate this with a single sweeping example. One thing you can compare is the size and shape of the playing area. The games vary in terms of what they call the playing area. Usually, it's called the field. In basketball, tennis, and volleyball, it's called a court. In ping pong, it's called a table. In waterpolo, it's called a pool. In ice hockey, it's called a rink. In baseball, it's called a diamond. The size and shape of the playing area, the relevance of the size of the playing area, or even if it has a definite boundary, is determined by the category of the sport. In fights, category 1, you just need enough room for the players to fight comfortably. In some fights, such as wrestling, you try to get your opponent outside the boundary of the main playing area. Also, in weightlifting, they just want to give you enough room so you don't feel constrained. In races, category 2, you are traveling either a linear distance, or several times around a closed loop. In swimming, they swim back and forth across the pool. Races are essentially one-dimensional.
In games in which you are trying to hit a target, category 6, usually the target is some distance from you. You propel the projectile towards it. The playing area therefore is usually long and thin with you at one end, and the target at the other. These games are also mostly one-dimensional. They mostly take place in one dimension, the distance over which the projectile is propelled, although it is the slight variation in movement in the other dimensions that determines who wins. For instance, in golf, bowling, archery, darts, and horseshoes, the object is traveling mostly in one direction, but it's the slight movement right, left, up, or down, that determines how well you do. However, there are a few games in category 6, where balls serve both the roles of target and projectile. These include pool, pool-like games, marbles, and bocce. In these cases, you aren't merely hitting an object towards a target. You are hitting an object against a second object which them moves off in another direction. In pool, if you were hitting the stick against the ball, and trying to get it in the pocket, that would be a typical game of category 6. Instead, you are hitting a stick against a ball which you are trying to hit against another ball which you are then trying to get in a pocket. After the first hit, the second ball could go off in any direction. A very slight difference in the way in which the second ball is hit causes a very large difference in the angle at which it moves away, and its velocity. There is a hypersensitivity to the initial conditions. If the second ball hits a third ball, it's impossible to predict ahead of time where the third ball will end up. Therefore, this is a fully two-dimensional game.
For sports in category 6 with an infinitely distant target, the playing area is huge. Since they don't want to run the risk of someone's projectile landing outside the playing area, it's usually far larger than necessary. It would not be humanly possible to get your object to the boundary of it. No human could leap to the end of the sand pit in the long jump.
The size of the playing area is by far most important in sports in category 3, where teams are trying to get the ball in their respective goals. Changing this parameter greatly influences the style of play. The sports in this category vary tremendously in the area of the playing area. For some individual sports, such as soccer, there is great variation in the allowed field size, even according to the official rules.
For sports in category 5, keeping the ball in the air, the size of the playing area is greatly limited by the nature of the category. Your opponent is penalized for not hitting the ball back. If the playing area was to large, you could just hit the ball to a distant part of the playing area, and your opponent would not be able to run over there in time. If it was to small, it would be to cramped to hit the ball in a controlled manner. Thus the games in this category have playing areas of similar size. An exception is ping pong where the optimum size is smaller than usual due to the unusual way in which it is hit. In this case, the playing area is so small, you can't even stand on it, unless you're a very small midget.
Here are the sizes of the playing areas of a few sports.
Category 1
Wrestling - circle with a diameter of nine meters. There is also a 1.2 to 1.5 meter protection border outside this circle. There is a band, a one-meter passivity zone, on the inside of the edge of the nine meter circle.
Category 3
Basketball - 94 ft x 50 ft
Waterpolo - (varies)
Length (19 years - 30 yards)
Width (12 yards - 20 yards)
Soccer - (varies)
Length (90m (100 yards) - 120 m (130 yards))
Width (45 m (50 yards) - 90 m (100 yards))
Rugby - 146 m (160 yards) x 69 m (75 yards)
The goal lines are 101 m (110 yards) apart, plus the in-goals, analogous to end zones, on either side.
American football - 109.8 m (360 ft) x 48.8 m (160 ft)
If you don't count the end zones on each end, it's 94.4 m x 48.8 m
Canadian football - 123 m x 59 m
If you don't count the end zones on each end, it's 100 m x 59 m
Australian football - oval shaped field called the "playing ground". Size varies.
Length - 135m - 185 m
Width - 110 m - 155 m
Category 4
Baseball - teardrop shaped field called a diamond, two perpendicular lines connected by an arc.
Length of edge - 100 m
Category 5
Ping pong - 274 cm (9 ft) x 152.5 cm (5 ft)
Tennis - 23.77 m (78 ft) x 8.23 m (27 ft)
Volleyball - 18 m (59 ft) x 9 m (29 ft 6 in)
When you look at the sports in category 3, even though they are all based on the same principle, you see a great deal of variation in the size of the playing area, from basketball to Australian football. A sharp eye will notice that those sports in category 3 that have either a small or large playing area do not have a goalie, while those of intermediate size do have a goalie. Why is this? On a basketball court, it would be wasteful to have a player permanently standing in front of the opponent's basket when he could be assisting in making baskets for his own team. Not having a player there doesn't leave the basket undefended because the court is small enough that you can get from one end to the other in a few seconds. Sports using a larger playing area, such as soccer, waterpolo, or ice hockey, have a player called a goalie permanently in front of the opponent's goal. The field is large enough that the other players might not be able to get to the goal in time. However, it's small enough that there is an ever present risk of a goal being made at any time so you always need a person there defending it. For games with an even larger playing area, such as American, Canadian, or Australian football, the field is so large that the ball is usually nowhere near a goal. It would be wasteful to have a player permanently standing in front of the opponent's goal, when usually there is no risk of a goal being made since usually the ball is far away on a different part of the field. Also, goals are often scored by the ball flying through the air, higher than a person could reach, so a goalie would be helpless to defend against it.
Another thing you notice about the size of the playing area of sports in category 3 is that those with a very small playing area usually have some way of making it more difficult to make a goal since it would be to easy otherwise. Basketball is combined with category 6 in that it's difficult to get the ball in the basket even if no one was trying to stop you. The goal is only slightly larger than the ball and is up in the middle of the air. In human foozball, the players are attached to ropes, and are constrained to only move back and forth in one dimension. In goal ball, all of the players are blindfolded. There is a bell inside the ball so they can tell where the ball is. In these examples, there is a small playing area but there is some added difficulty. Without the added difficulty, it would be to easy to make a goal. Both sides would rack up very high scores, and it would be luck that determined who ended up with the highest score at the end of the game. If you had one of these added elements of difficulty combined with a large playing area, it would be so difficult to make a goal, that the game would probably end scoreless.
Another way you can compare sports in category 3 is how you are allowed to touch the ball. In different sports you use hands only (handball), feet only (soccer), both hands and feet (football), or use a stick (ice hockey). In various sports you can carry the ball (football), dribble the ball but not carry it (basketball), or can't touch the ball with your hands at all (soccer). One very interesting observation is that if you take the game of soccer, and change the rules so you can touch the ball with you hands, you initially have a game like rugby, and then if you let it continue to evolve on its own, you eventually end up with a game like American football. All of the other differences between soccer and American football are all logical consequences of being able to touch the ball with your hands. Let's say you were playing soccer, and were suddenly allowed to touch the ball with your hands. Instead of kicking the ball along the ground, a much easier way to transport the ball would be to just pick it up and carry it. If you wanted to pass the ball to somebody else, you would throw it. Therefore the shape of the ball changed into a football shape so it would easier to throw. Let's say someone else was carrying the ball, and you wanted to get the ball away from him. What would you do? You would jump on him, and try to forcibly get the ball away from him. In other words, you would tackle him. Since this can be quite dangerous, the players started wearing helmets and large amounts of padding. Thus, you ended up with the stereotypical appearance of the American football player. So you see how all the obvious differences between soccer and American football are simply the logical consequences of the initial seemingly trivial change of allowing players to touch the ball with their hands. Rugby could be viewed as a game that is earlier in this developmental process, or at any rate, has resisted these innovations. Therefore, it's quite dangerous. Once in one of the bathrooms at Cal State Long Beach, I saw graffiti that read, "donate blood, play rugby".
In sports of category 5, where you're trying to keep the ball in the air, if someone doesn't hit the ball back, they are penalized. However, how do you know whose responsibility it is to return the ball? You need a way of determining whose side it is on. In most versions, tennis, ping pong, volleyball, etc., there is a net that divides the court in half. In racquetball, the ball bounces off the wall, which determines who has the responsibility of hitting it. Why use a net instead of just a line on the ground? A net guarantees that the ball will have a minimum altitude when entering the other side. It must have a minimum altitude to make sure the other side at least has the opportunity to hit it. If the ball entered the other side one inch above the ground, they would have no hope of hitting it.
There's a similarity between sports in category 3, trying to get the ball in the goal, and sports in category 6, trying to hit a target. In both cases, you're trying to get a thing to a certain location. In category 3, it would easy to get the ball in the goal if no one was trying to stop you. Anyone could effortlessly kick a soccer ball into a soccer goal if there was no one else on the field. However, in the game, there's a group of people trying to stop you from doing this. In category 6, no one is trying to stop you from hitting the target but it's very difficult in it's own right. In archery, you don't have opponents trying to intercept the arrow or defend the bulls eye but it's very difficult anyway. There are a few games in between these two extremes. While professional basketball players have no problem making baskets, when the average person plays basketball, they have a hard time getting the ball in the basket even without the interference of anyone else. Most people are dismal at shooting hoops. If you're good at basketball, that's not a problem except in the game, there are people trying to stop you. Throwing a basketball into the basketball hoop is more difficult than kicking a soccer ball into a soccer goal, if no one was trying to stop you, and less difficult than shooting an arrow into the bulls eye. Another game that's a combination of categories 3 and 6 is curling. It's difficult to get your curling stone in the house, and people are also trying to stop you.
When studying sports, one thing that comes to mind is what new sports could you invent? It's possible to invent new sports that are radically different from anything previous, and don't fall into any of these categories. However, it's difficult to think of something radically new. It's much easier to invent new sports derived from existing sports. Most sports originated as slight variations of existing sports. Most sports slowly evolved over time to their present form. There are only a few sports where we can pin point their invention. One of the few examples is basketball which was invented at Springfield College, Massachusetts in 1891. Some variations of games were intended to make the game easier for unskilled people. Flag football and touch football are supposed to be easier than normal football. They are also an alternative to heavy padding as a way of reducing the danger of the game. T-ball is a variation of baseball for small children in which the ball is not thrown towards the batter but instead is stationary on top of a vertical stick. Inner tube waterpolo is a version of waterpolo in which everyone is in a giant inner tube, which is much easier than treading water in deep water for hours on end. Slamball, which is basketball played on trampolines, makes it easier to get the ball in the basket.
The simplest way to modify an existing game is to change the rules. You could take a game in category 3, and change how you're allowed to touch the ball. Any rule in any game could be changed to alter the game. Often the change makes for a less enjoyable game which is why they had the rule in the first. Other times, it might create an interesting variation. Try playing any sport on either a larger or smaller playing area.
Play on a different surface. Waterpolo is essentially soccer played in a swimming pool. Ice hockey is field hockey played on ice. Beach volleyball is normal volleyball played on sand. Slamball is basketball played on trampolines. Similarly, any game could be fundamentally altered by simply playing on a different surface. You could invent a game called beach football, which is normal football played on sand. You could play basketball on ice, where all the players are on ice skates. You could play a version of baseball in a giant swimming pool. Try playing any sport on trampolines.
Use a different ball. There is a game called Frisbee golf, similar to normal golf, except you are trying to hit a pole with a Frisbee. Kickball is similar to baseball except instead of hitting a ball with a bat, you kick a ball called a kickball. Similarly, you could try playing any game with a different kind of ball. For instance, you could try playing baseball with a tennis ball and tennis racket instead of a baseball and bat. You could play football with a baseball of Frisbee. You could play basketball with one of those tiny very bouncy rubber balls. You could play a version of field hockey where everyone has a golf club, and is hitting a golf ball. You could play golf on horseback with polo equipment. You could play volleyball with a medicine ball or helium balloon. You could play basketball with a helium balloon.
Change the number of players. Tennis can be played with either singles or doubles. Normal volleyball has nine players per team while beach volleyball has two players per team. Similarly you could take any sport, and change the number of players. Play soccer with only one person on each side. You could have a wrestling match with two against two instead of one against one.
Change the number of balls. In most games, there is only one ball in play at any one time. However, there is no reason why this should be true. Try playing football, soccer, waterpolo, ice hockey, basketball, volleyball, or tennis with 2, 3, or 4 balls in play at once. Juggling, which is in category 5, is very easy when done with one or two balls, since there are an equal or fewer number of balls than hands. It becomes much more difficult when the number of balls exceeds the number of hands. Similarly, any sport in category 5 can be made much more difficult by having more balls then players.
Change the number of teams. This is a very dramatic variation. In all team sports, there are only two teams in any one game. However, there is no reason why that has to be true. Most sports in category 3 are played on a playing area that is long and narrow with a goal on each end. What if instead, they were played on a triangle or square with a goal on each side? You have the same number of teams as you have goals. Each team is trying to get the ball in their goal, and prevent the other side from doing the same. Whichever team gets the most points wins, who gets the second most points comes in second, etc. You could do this with soccer, football, basketball, waterpolo, or ice hockey.
Change the number of dimensions the game is played in. All games are basically either one dimensional or two dimensional. You could have a game where movement takes place freely in three dimensions. One way to do this would be to have scuba divers playing in a giant swimming pool. They could move freely throughout the entire three dimensional volume of the pool. Another way would be a game played by sky divers while in free fall. You could also play in a zero gravity environment such as on board a space station. The current space station is probably too small to play a sport in. In the Harry Potter books by J. K. Rowling, there is a fictional sport called "quidditch" in which the players are on broomsticks, and move freely in three dimensions. Obviously, you couldn't play a sport in more than three dimensions. However, you could create a computer simulation of a hypothetical sport played in four or more dimensions.